Two fairly big, ok, actually huge, changes occurred in our family during 2014:
1. Moved overseas to Ljubljana, Slovenia.
2. Found out we'll have a new member in the family come July.
Despite all the whirlwind that comes with each of those things on their own, let alone at almost the same time, it has been a smooth transition.
There are moments I'm out in the city, practicing the Slovene language I know, when I stop and realize, "Whoa. I live here. This is my life." It's different than I imagined feeling. This isn't a "trip" or just some adventure (although it is exciting). This is my life.
Maybe if I repeat that several times it will hit me?
I'm blessed beyond belief by it. Reflecting back on 2014, I was blown away by how much I had to be grateful for. But that doesn't mean it's been all easy. Saying "see you later" to our closest family and friends in the States was hard.
While finding out the exciting news that I'm pregnant was incredible, there was a twinge of sadness in realizing those we left in the States won't get an up-close and personal view of this season of our lives. And that's hard to be ok with at times.
It's normal to feel this way, obviously, because there is a sense of loss in the acceptance of this reality. I've found it's been a struggle for me this time of returning to Slovenia, to continually recall why we're here and what we're doing. Even when you're exactly where you believe God wants you to be, that doesn't mean you won't experience struggles, doubts, or disappointments; that no negative emotion or hard situation will find you.
It means you better cling harder than you ever have to Jesus. To run towards Him–face the emotions you're feeling, the loss you're experiencing–lay it all out on the table. Take His promises and store them up in your heart. Hang them on your mirror. Paint a stinking mural on your wall or tattoo it to your forehead if you need to. Because you won't get through this by wandering aimlessly in the desert.
When it feels like you're in a drought–you're not experiencing God like before, being moved by what you read, prayer feels dull, or maybe even the thought of making time in your life for Him feels difficult–run harder, run faster, my friend, towards Him.
The solution isn't to close up, pull back from relationships, hull up in your house and watch endless episodes of Gilmore Girls (this it completely hypothetical, of course).
When you want to get back in shape, you don't continue the Krispy Kreme diet while sitting on the couch and hope that in a couple weeks you'll be ready for a marathon. No, you get your butt up and start taking steps, one day at a time. And that's what we must do–keep moving towards Jesus, depending on the new grace and mercy He provides for His people each and every morning.
I cling to this verse daily, in every moment when the reality of how weak and incapable I am threatens to knock me out of the game. Fight for your relationship with Jesus, bring all you are to all He is, and trust that His grace is sufficient for you.