Remembering: Part III

When the physical symptoms of my miscarriage started, on New Year’s Eve, we were actually on a family trip for the holiday, and some friends went as well. We were having a great time touring the city, going to hipster coffee shops and eating good food together. They joined us at our AirBnB to ring in the New Year (what friends, to hang in with our family so we could celebrate while our little girl slept!). So much laughter and silliness. It was wonderful. 

However, as I hung out this week with one of the friends who was on that trip with us, I shared with her how hard it is for me to think about our trip and have happy memories. Though it was fun, it was the last time and place I would be when I was still happily pregnant with our second baby.

Every picture reminds me of the life that was inside of me, especially the pictures that show the baby bump already forming. Even the new clothes I received for Christmas and wore on our vacation are hard for me to put on now without the sting of sadness. 

But for me, having this jewelry to wear doesn’t (typically) cause me to feel sadness or pain. Rather it reminds me of our little one’s life, however brief, and what a gift he or she is to our family, even in their absence.  

From the time our daughter was born in 2015, I wanted some kind of jewelry to wear with her name or initial. I found a company I liked but decided to wait until we were done having kids and then get something.

But once we had a miscarriage all hesitation was gone as I sought a tangible remembrance of my children, both the one with us here on earth and the one we look forward to meeting in heaven one day. 

I love these necklaces for how they look together, that I can add on to the longer one should the Lord bless us with more children in the future, and for their simplicity that makes them wearable every day, casual or fancy. 

The bar necklace has the date of the news of our miscarriage, 01.01.17, and the disc necklace has the letter “R” for our daughter Raegan. Made by Mary is a company with beautiful pieces that can be personalized to commemorate any occasion. 

I’ll end with this quote by Tim Keller from one of my favorite books I've read during this season. It beautifully states how we, as followers of Christ, can experience joy and grief simultaneously, as these necklaces display for me daily. 

The joy of the Lord happens inside the sorrow. It doesn’t come after the sorrow. It doesn’t come after the uncontrollable weeping. The weeping drives you into the joy, it enhances the joy, and then the joy enables you to actually feel your grief without its sinking you.
— Tim Keller, Walking with God through Pain and Suffering